Warning: this post contains actual numbers about my body and possible weight trigger language!
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I had a yearly physical Monday which irked me for several reasons. I’m somewhere between 67″ and 68″, and this time I came out to 67.5″ in height. Weight was 163lb. I’ve gained about 5lb in the past three months due to eating sloppily…and going to the gym? I can definitely lift/press more and that could be involved in the weight gain as well. Anyway, this puts my BMI above 25, so the doctor told me ‘not to gain any more weight.’ This was pretty annoying, because I look at the doctor and my first thought was “I’ve cut regular pasta and white rice and bread and cheese and red meat out of my allowed foods, cardio/weight lift three times a week, and you’ve the nerve to…*sputter*…*sputter*…”
BMI is one of the weirder measures of health since it doesn’t take muscle into account. I’ve traditionally been sensitive about it because I have wide shoulders and a larger frame, and my mom has habitually worried about my “chunkiness”. I gained 40lb in college (from 150 to 190lb) and then had a diabetes scare- I was insulin resistant, a common problem in my family. I had to change what I ate and begin exercising to reverse the blood sugar problem, because all my doctors told me to lose weight and that would help. The weight didn’t come off, but the blood sugar normalized. Several years later, after my doctors told me to lose some weight to lessen my sleep apnea, I finally asked my psychiatrist to tinker with my medications because they could be involved in my general fatigue. I’m still a pretty sleepy person, but I lost a lot of weight. My mom was overjoyed (although freaked out that my breasts retained the same volume), and that hurt a bit. So I watch my weight for health reasons, because I’m not cool with sleeping problems or possible diabetes. I think there’s still some baggage there on being told I’m not doing enough, though.
Another possible issue she mentioned was varicose veins- the veins on my legs are more prominent since weightlifting began! Whoops! I can’t find a consensus on leg press and varicose veins being linked, and my doctor bit her lip and told me to keep lifting weights but to put my feet up for a while every few hours. I think it was really her manner that made me worry.
Anyway, that’s some uneasy thoughts about my body. In the meantime, I tell myself, keep exercising, and don’t eat everything, especially baked goods, quite as casually. I’ve been lucky that my bra fit hasn’t really changed in half a year.